Dear Richi,

Your introductory paragraph is very interesting and it caught my interest right away.  It was well supported with evidence and your explanation are very well written. The In-text citation did not have any mistakes and all your sources are correctly cited. You analyzed and narrated most things in an understandable manner. Some of your sentences are missing words and some do not make sense. I suggest that to make your essay more powerful to change or to rephrase your conclusion sentences. You could also expand on some ideas that you briefly mentioned in your second paragraph. Also, your ninth paragraph should be your eighth and it makes more sense if it is placed there. Try to shorten some ideas that you repeated many times, find a way to make it sound different. You have no counterclaim and it is very important for you to state opposing claims. Throughout the essay, the memo was for a call to action and I think you did very well with that. Overall, you have a strong and captivating essay.

Sincerely,

Luz Polanco