Dear Celibel,

I liked your paper overall since you were able to use evidence and prove your points. With that said, let’s focus on what you have to improve in your paper. Let’s start off with your citation. The first error that you have with your citation is that in the parenthetical citation, you put both, last and first name of the author. You are only supposed to put the last name if signal phrase is not used. This mistake occurred in the first three pages in your paper. The second point that I want to discuss is that when you introduced your source, you wrote extra information. For example, let’s say that you introduced the text “Some uses of puppetry in Jewish Education”. Right after mentioning the text, you put something such as “Journal of Jewish Education”. This was consistent throughout your paper and the information is not necessary to the source introduction. So, you need to delete those parts of your paper.

Now, let’s move on to your introductory paragraph. In your introductory paragraph, you did introduce your topic but you failed to build a parameter of your paper. To start off, you did not include any sort of questions in your introductory paragraph including the thesis question. You also put a claim about puppets being good. You are not supposed to put any conclusive language so please erase that. This was the only mistake that I noticed in your introductory paragraph, so just go back and fix them.

The next part of your essay was the body paragraphs. Your transition sentences and the topic sentences were pretty clear. The sources were fully introduced and you also summarized your sources. All of your citations of quotes and paraphrases needed some improvements and I already acknowledged them above. You also made a neutral analysis for each piece of evidence that you provided so the explanations do not need anything else unless you want to add something of course. The part of your body paragraph that does need improvements is signal phrases. You did not use any signal phrases throughout your paper. You need to use signal phrases in order to talk about the articles that you have utilized in your paper. This is a major mistake so you need to fix this.

Antithesis was the next part of your paper and it is something that you need to work on. You did talk about counter arguments but I think that you do need to elaborate much more on them or write more on them. Right now, you don’t have much in your counterclaim, and I think that if it is possible, you can add some sources supporting your antithesis although it is not required. Adding such information or adding more information, in general, will definitely enhance your paper.

The conclusion was the next aspect of your paper. Like previously mentioned, you haven’t used any sort of signal phrases in your writing. It is really important that you use signal phrase in order to summarize your points, especially in the conclusion. Also, in the conclusion, you did reach a final answer but you did not answer any unanswered questions and you did not acknowledge the limitation of research that you had for this paper. If you have any questions that you have not addressed in your paper, be sure to discuss them here. Also, you should add new questions that you might have. By doing so, your paper will be more interesting and the readers will be able to understand your thinking.

Let’s move onto the last part of the essay, which is the MLA formatting. Most of the requirements of MLA formatting was correct in your paper except one factor, which was the font. In some part of your paper, the font was inconsistent. Fortunately, that was the only error that I would say that you would need to fix in terms of MLA formatting. The rest of the MLA formatting that you have done is not wrong, so, just go back and try to fix the mistakes with the font.

Celibel, your paper was actually really nice. You do need to fix mistakes that I have mentioned, but overall, your paper was pleasant to read. One thing I would also like to say is that the paper has to be at least five pages so you need to work on writing a little more in your paper. I think that by investing a little time and working on your paper, it would turn out just great. Anyways, I hope that you are able to fix your mistakes and I hope your paper turns out well.

Sincerely,

Richi